@TheEllenShow saved a teenagers life, please help her!!

Description

Dear @theellenshow, This is a very hard story for me to tell, for me to fully explain how you have truly changed my life. I know you get messages from fans all around the world who love you dearly and want to tell you similar things to what I am going to say, but it feels my duty to thank you, in person. I am 15 years old, and for the last 5-6 years of my life, I have been through a heck of a lot. I was severely depressed with no help or support from the ones who I most needed it from, and I suffered with it on my own while it got progressively worse. I was bullied for 2 years untill 2007 when I moved up to high school and the bully was kicked out of the school. By the time that happened, my self confidence was beyond low and I really did not want to be here. I tried my hardest at school to please everyone and make my family happy and proud of me. I struggled so much to concentrate and do my best because I had developed an eating disorder as a result of everything that had happened, as well as my father being put in prison for almost 3 years. I felt as though it was all my fault because nobody told me, and I felt alone and even more depressed about it. I still did not recieve any much needed support from my family, I could not talk to anyone as I did not trust anyone, and if I did tell someone what was happenining and how I was feeling, they would not truly understand - and I felt even more stupid and depressed for even telling them my problems. So I carried on with school, trying my best and making everyone else happy. Nobody really knew what was going on, I guess I hid it so well from everyone because I strived to be perfect. I was such a young age and I was struggling with school, with my own personal problems, family and friend problems and more. I couldn't talk to anyone, so I couldn't let it out in any way for years. It built up with one thing after another, it didn't effect me at the time because everything was pushed to the back of my mind. As my eating disorder became worse, everything else in my life seemed to be getting worse too. My grandfather got really sick at the start of 2008 I believe, and with all the problems that was going on, this was just another thing to cope with and stress about. I felt I had to take control of everything and make sure everybody else was okay. It was very hard, but somehow I kept going, but my school work suffered and I just could not do anything, so I started to fail in some classes which I was trying so hard to get better at. My grandfather got really ill over the year, and November came around. This was the worsed month out of the whole year, which had been just as bad. I had become suicidol over that year, and I had already attempted to commit suicide about 2 or 3 times earlier in the year but failed. But everything just became too much in November, and I took a number of pills, in order to never wake up again. I ended up in hospital, which made me feel numb. As I was released, my grandfather died 2 weeks later. Things didn't get better after, I didn't show my emotions for the passing of my grandfather, mostly because I had to take care of everything else. Me and my mother had to look after my grandmother, who honestly, was so hard to deal with all the way from when he was sick up to the present day. So I still didn't have any time to get over what had happened, and my depression and eating disorder just became numb as well - everything in my life became numb and worthless. I was ready to leave everything, I felt wrothless and unloved, and I had tried to hard to please everyone, but it wasn't enough. My 14th birthday came around 15 days later, I can't even remember that day, it definetely didn't feel my birthday. But in December, I really thought long and hard about everything that had happened in the past 3-4 years and thought about how 2008 had effected me. I was depressed, suicidol, sick with an eating disorder and I felt as though I was stuck in a big black hole with no escape route. But as Christmas came and went, and the new year came along, I had made a huge decision which would change my life forever. I had started to watch @TheEllenShow after my mother introduced me to the show, and I was addicted after the first 2 seconds of watching it. I was in love with Ellen, everything about her just made me feel inspired and determined to get my life back, to stop existing and start living. Everyday from that day on I watched @TheEllenShow multiple times a day, and each time I watched it, I became that bit more stronger and more determined to get better. I still did not get any support for what I was going through as most people were unaware of what was happening. But I was so determined to get better that I felt I didn't need someone to help me, @TheEllenShow was enough to make me feel that much needed determination. So I made a new years resolution for 2009 that I was going to get better, I was going to change my life around for the better and finally be the person I had so long wished to be. I wanted to be happy for a change, and @TheEllenShow just radiated that along with positivity and optimism. She truly changed me as a person, and I am a better person today for it. My father came out of prison, and I had learnt a lot about him since then. Before he went into prison, he tried to kidnap me and made my mother's and my life a whole lot stressful. I cannot explain what he did, but he used me to get what he wanted, and I sort of had an epiphany not so long ago that he was not worth my time or effort. He had said to people behind my back that he wished he never had me, he didn't want anything to with me and some other hurtful comments. I don't regret anything that has happened, because it made me a lot stronger and intellegent to realise what was happening. I learnt from my mistakes and made a big decision to finally cut him out of my life. He did not want me and I did not want him, but I felt as though it was my fault and that I had not been a good enough daughter, that I had not tried hard enough. It brought me down, but with the help of my mother, I got back up and moved on. 2 years ago I was depressed, sick, suicidol, stressed, going badly at school and had so much to deal with. A lot of things went on before that time which I found hard to cope with but just had to take it and throw it at the back of my mind. I had done that for years and it took my last suicide attempt to make me realise this isn't the way I should be living. Before that happened, being the way I was and feeling the way I felt, it was normal, I thought everyone constantly felt like that. I just felt numb, all the other feelings had just been locked away. I couldn't remember the last time I was truly happy, and that isn't the way life is meant to be. I learnt all that from @TheEllenShow and she transformed me into the person I am today: strong, happy, determined, optimistic, positive and appreciative of everything I have and have been through. She made me realise that I should not be worried about people accepting everything I say, as long as I am happy with myself and believe what I say, then the people who accept me then are the ones worth spending your love and compassion with. She taught me the worthiness of love and life, she made me realise and ultimately just saved me, as I believe if I had never found @TheEllenShow at the time I did, I would not be here today. For a 15 year old to say that, it is pretty shocking, to say what I have been through. Me and Ellen are quite a like, except she is 37 years older than me. I find it hard to talk about my past because most of it felt as though it was all formed into one year, when infact it was 15 years. So much happened it is just impossible to explain it enough so people understand it. But that isn't the point, I am working on not trying to make everybody happy, I am trying to put myself first more, I am trying to accept myself and become the person I see myself as. @TheEllenShow gave me that strength, she made me believe it all was possible and it did happen, it took a year to feel as though I was able to carry on and see the light at the end of the tunnel. I fought my eating disorder and depression by myself, I had to do it all alone but I thank everyone in my life who was there when I needed them. But my biggest thanks has to be to Ellen Degeneres and @TheEllenShow. I hope this showed my appreciation and thankfulness to you @TheEllenShow - But I have created my Mission Degeneres to one day meet you and personally thankyou. I just cannot show you everything I want to, but my love is just unlimited for you. I hope you one day read this, because I want you to know you have changed a 15 year old girl's life and saved her, and I just can't show you how much I am thankful for that. Everytime I see you, I feel like crying with happiness and hugging you. That is my mission, to one day meet you in person and thankyou personally. I don't care if it takes a lifetime, I don't care if it makes me lose my job or get into debt or something, I will do this, you have given me the determination and belief to believe that this with happen. You made it onto the O Magazine, okay you went on national TV and did amazing things everyday until it happened, but my mission is what I have to do and I will do it. You did "the O thing" and now I am going to do "the E thing". PS. Thankyou for following me on Twitter. That gave me the boost I needed and determination to follow through and actually do this. I have many ideas to make Mission Degeneres happen like printing T-Shirts, helping you and promoting @TheEllenShow to get world domination, I want to raise money for your charities that you support, I want to do the sugar fast and turn vegan. I want to turn my wall in my room into the Ellen wall, I want to do everything possible in order to achieve this goal. You said you are fed up of the same old new years resolutions, so this is mine and I will do it. Please help me as much as you can, I am just a 15 year old girl with a big dream. Love from, Abby Sterry, England. xoxoxoxox